#but this has legit been haunting me for a week

[bluerosefox]

Gothamites Never Really Rest

Small warning in this: very light swearing, light mentions of deaths, and tw light touching on the subject of abuse, like very light. But still an fyi.

Danny was used to his main Rogues (Boxy, Ember, Skulker, etc etc, you know those guys) showing up randomly and at odd hours, causing some chaos around town due to their own boredom or just wanting some fun (the more deadly ones were rare to show up and his main Rogues do at least respect him enough to give him the rest of the day off when they sense a ‘big bad’ fight), he fights them, wins, before he send them back to the portal. Then they rinse and repeat this for the next day.

So as he really wasn’t expecting, especially since he had just sent his ghostly quota for the day back to the portal a few hours ago (Boxy of course, and Youngblood (dressed as a Firefighter this time, though the ending for their fight actually ended on a good note. YB had been asking Danny about space, Danny kinda hoped YB will be an Astronaut next time cause that would be fun)), Johnny 13 (and Shadow) to phase into his room as he was heading to bed.

Honestly (he groaned when he realized who it was, dealing with Johnny, Kitty (and Shadow) during a ‘break up’ or ‘lovers spat’ always was a pain) he was expecting Johnny to just start attacking but before Danny could demanded to know what he was doing in his room Johnny hesitatingly asked if they could talk.

Now Danny, talking to his main Rogues, like legit talking was a very rare thing. But it has happened a few times.

With Johnny asking if they could talk, his face nervous but not in a 'I pissed off Kitty and idk where she ran off to again', Danny nodded and agreed.

"Hey, so like I know we all kinda agreed not to go roaming too far from Amity because of the whole government suits guys and bringing unwanted attention to us ghosts in the names of the Super Dorks but is it alright if Kitty and I head across the state for a few days? I promise we'll be back and stay under the radar..."

"What?! Why would you guys need to something like that?!"

"....."

"Johnny, look dude I know Amity can get boring sometimes but-"

"Someone killed Kitty's abusive waste of space father three weeks ago, you know that fucker that killed us in cold blood when he found out Kitty and I were enloping. Yeah him. We felt it, we felt him die and... kid I can tell you how our cores SANG about it when he croaked. Whoever ended him, they did so for us. It was a revenge kill... It felt amazing. Its why you havent seen us too, we... we needed time to process that." Johnny quickly explained and that shut any protest Danny had up, he knew a bit of the story how Johnny and Kitty died, and it was respectful to allow one's fellow ghost to talk about their deaths should they talk of it.

With a melancholy smile and a hand petting a chirping Shadow who sprung up to comfort his other half, Johnny then said "Kitty's been avoiding returning to Gotham for ages since we woke up in the Realms and whenever we found a natural portal back to it. She's always been terrified of running into him and even being a ghost she's still can't. But he's gone now, we felt his life end and he isn't a ghost either! Like legit, if he became a ghost we'd still be able to sense our murderer you know!... Anyways she wants to visits her old haunts and maybe see if we can find some old friends, see how they're doing you know. We won't mess with them or anything, just a small pop in..."

"We... We also kinda wanna find the guy who did it too... We could feel his emotions when he ended Kitty's old man and firstly let me tell you, rage. Like a lot of it. But also we felt his need for justice and... he felt familiar... like someone we knew and he knew us. That's how we know it's a revenge kill. Someone did that for us and well.... Kitty and I wanna thank him you know."

-x-x-

Meanwhile in Gotham about three week prior.

A budding Crime Lord had crossed out the face of a older man from a photograph pinned onto a corkboard, below and connected by red strings was two other papers as well. One held the newspaper clipping of two bodies being found in a ditch with the remains of a busted up motorcycle, a young male and female were reportedly found halfway buried in it. The male was reported to be a trouble maker from Crime Alley, knowen for stealing tires while the female was the daughter of a suspected mob boss.

The other string however, lead to a small, yellowed from age and tiny bit damaged photo of three people. The photo held two older, nearly out of their teens, male and female both looking like rough city street kids. A motorcycle could be seen behind them an it was missing a wheel. The young man with blonde hair was kneeling on the ground, his hands holding onto a tire iron and he looked rather proud, the young female was wearing red and had some dye in her hair and was smiling as she held the camera taking the picture in a selfie as best as she could.

In between the two was a young kid, blue eyes and black hair, a beaming smile on his face as his own hands were on top of a tire wheel. A wheel he had finally learned how to take off in record speed thanks to Johnny teaching him.

Green eyes that shifted for a second to teal stared at the photo for a moment before saying

"Hope you both are resting easily now. Kitty, Johnny."

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Top 3 Are HEATING UP

Organized, in each category, by ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

Dec 2023 Wk 2

Ongoing Series - Thai

Honestly, 3 are neck & necking for top position! They are all so good in different ways. But The Sign had me hooting with laughter this week, so it scooped #1.

The Sign (Sat YT) ep 4 of 10 - This show is literally everything (except straight) all at once. It's BL, queer, band of brothers, romcom, erotica, paranormal, fated mates, mystery, suspense, slasher, and horror. It’s the king of genre mash-up chaos. I have no idea what I’m watching but I’m ON this ride. Is it a roller coaster? Is it a haunted house? Is it a twirl & hurl? Is there candy floss? Am I even tall enough? Who tf cares. All through the second scene, I was laughing. It was legit funny. Billy has great comedic timing. Guess he’s not just a pretty face.

Everyone should be watching this. Sure, it's madness but there is genius in it.

Last Twilight (Fri YT) ep 6 of 12 -  Yech. August may be one of GMMTV’s least likable characters ever (and that is saying something). Meanwhile, MOAR language play! They spoiling me!

Mhok letting Day go then walking away at the party hurt so bad.

Argh this show is great!

Ep 6 so that kiss was right on schedule. I’m looking forward to the boyfriend eps before doom & pain in the new year. Carry on GMMTV. 

Speaking of...

Cherry Magic (Sat YouTube) ep 2 of 12 - Oh they’re great. It’s great. It’s paced oddly, moving quickly through most of the key scenes of the original JBL in these first 2 eps. I think it’s intending to encompass more of the manga series than that one did. Which is good, cause that will get us all the way to The Library Kiss (TM). It's the best kiss in the manga. I also like the sides in this show (better than the JBL version). 

My Dear Gangster Oppa (Thurs iQIYI) ep 8fin - What a lovely slightly unhinged little show. Tew, can we talk? Un-ironic suspenders, that takes courage. Also, the revolver was a crazy gun choice. 

Final thoughts:

This show is just as ridiculous as its title. About a gaymer who falls in love with one of his in-game teammates, who just happens to be a IRL gangster. A real gangster, the kind that actually kills people regularly. The lead pair is doing their best with a ridiculous story and shoddy script, but I enjoyed it. Although I was grateful it wasn’t very long, what we got was oddly satisfying if, frankly, a little bit silly. Recommended. 8/10 

That said, what's important about this BL is not the show, but the production and style. Let me explain... no, too much, let me sum up.

This is a chimera BL. Regarding characters: it has Japan's style otaku + Korea's style gangster + Thailand's style friendship group. It used Thai talent + Korean money (Kakao) & IP (adapted from a manwha) but aired on a Chinese channel globally (iQIYI). I'm delighted by the eclectic insanity of this production and truly doubt that any other genre but BL could ever produce like this. It's like diplomat's BL and it's the great wonder of our age that it happened at all. This BL deserves its place in the history books on production alone, even if that place is only in the footnotes. A remarkable little monster.

For Him (Thurs iQIYI) ep 3 of 10 - The sides are… messy. Using the same actor for the old bf is… odd. But in the end, this show leaves me smiling. Which means, I like it despite myself. 

Bake Me Please (Mon Gaga) ep 4 of 6 - It's decent. It’s basically what I wanted Antique Bakery to be when I first watched that way back when (not to mention Bite Me). But there’s been so much BL since then that, for some reason, this is falling flat. I think it’s moving too fast for a Thai series. Although, say what you like, Ohm has to be one of the best soft kissers in the industry. He's just good at mouth tenderness.

Ugh, that doesn't sound right. But you know what I mean.

Twins the series (Fri GaGa) ep 7 of 10 - I love how First is so upset when Sprite starts chatting and being nice to Koh. Sprite is just a sweet easy-going likable boy. I enjoy Sprite as a main character, he’s a bubbly little communicator. And they had a cute kiss.  

Pit Babe (Fri iQIYI) ep 5 of 14 - Because there was more Alan and Jeff and they were more key to the plot I was more into this ep. I do compare it to green smoothie down the pants in the Trash Watch.

Cooking Crush (Sun YT) ep 3 of 12 - Look OffGun are truly great. But I’m just not sure we need them in BL anymore. That said, it’s nice to see Off as "the one with the crush" for a change. Also, this show is only good when OffGun are on screen together, otherwise it kinda, well, sucks.

Night Dream (Sat YT) ep 1 of 6 - Cafe setting featuring a cook and a writer. *Seems awfully familiar.* Except these two are exes and this is a reunion romance. It’s stiff and very pulp but not bad (no crap sound effects) and I am a sucker for a reunion romance. That said, Rookie Thailand is not to be trusted, proceed with caution.

Absolute Zero (Weds iQIYI) ep 12fin - I'm grateful this is over. It was tense but for the wrong reasons - sadness and confusion. This final episode was fine, but that’s because it was mostly them being together + flashbacks. Plus all the familiar actor faces of the grown-up friends (hi, Karn my lovely, still stunning I see). But 2 of 12 episodes is not enough for the 10 of suffering and confusion that came before.

In conclusion:

A man is killed on his 10th anniversary resulting in a time paradox, for which the only solution is him never meeting his childhood sweetheart until later in life. Both lovers cycle back to the past at different ages, so that they each become their own 1st & 2nd great loves, but every time it ends in pain, until each also endures 10 years of separation. Finally it gets fixed, but leaves them with multiple memories of time's failures like temporal PTSD, and everyone around them has chronic deja vu. Me? I got both. This is one of those BLs that is high-quality with great acting but poor story. If you like your BL dwelling, maudlin, and tense due to angst and suffering, then you might enjoy this. But I just regret it, 6/10. Recommended only if you like confusing time travel emo pain.

In which case, just watch Tokyo in April is... instead. Give over Thailand, Japan does it better.

Middleman’s Love (Fri YT & iQIYI ep 6 of 8 - While our main couple isn’t working for me... the side couple isn’t working for me either. I really wanted to give LeoTai a chance, this is the 3rd show I’ve seen them in, and still nope. I like Jade a lot more when he’s sad. He’s a much more pleasant screen experience depressed. I would like him to stay hurt for a couple of eps, just so I can enjoy this show a tiny bit more. But then he just goes unhinged again. Argh. I just don’t like it. 

My Universe (Sun iQIYI) Pisces of Me ep 17 of 24 - Codependent boyfriends in middle school planning for high school dealing with stuff. Including other boys being into them. 

Playboyy (Thurs Gaga) 5 of 14 eps - Dear Playboyy, it's not you, it’s me… I hate you. You’re about as deep (and as palatable) as a shot glass of cum. While I'm sure you’re someone’s kink, you're my weakest link. Goodbye. DNF 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

VIP Only (Taiwan Fri Gaga) ep 5 of 10 - It’s cute but I don’t think BL in this short format is Taiwan’s strength these days. And this is quite slow and dull. Perhaps they should have whacked it down to 6 eps, not 10.

Sahara-sensei to Toki-kun (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 3 of 8 - This is one of those JBLs that I should like on paper but is failing me. The drag bit was ridiculous but handled gently. The kiss was… well… something wasn’t it? It’s all very odd. I like the photographer cutie character. 

It's Airing But...

The Whisperer (Sun ????) 10 eps - Thai horror BL that ALSO involves cheating (what joy is mine). I don't think even the perfect single dimple can motivate me to watch. Word is... it's terrible.

7 Days Before Valentine (Weds WeTV) 10 eps - Giving me Luminous Solution vibes. I'm waiting to binge if it's safe.

Beyond The Star (Weds iQIYI) 8 eps - House of Stars meets Boyband. I was NOT impressed with ep 1. Been told I shouldn't bother.

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps - I find this series more fun to binge, so I'm waiting until after it completes its run next week.

Dear Kitakyushu (Thai/Japan movie) in theaters in country only, I know nothing about distribution.

Behind the Shadows (Korea movie) this is a historical I was interested in, but I've been told they kill the gay so I'm OUT.

Next Week Looks Like This

Still coming:

12/23 Dead Friend Forever (Thai horror) iQIYI

Original 2023 forthcoming BL master post (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED). With the end of the year upon us I'll do an "announced for 2023 but never happened list" soon.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

He so pretty.

I forgot how likable TayNew are, and frankly I think New is a better version of this role for me, personally. I like him a lot. He's a conscientious sweetheart. And a good egg. (Cherry Magic)

Ah the rooftop my old friend. (Last Twilight)

I would like to point out that it's no accident the naga's sex dream happened in the shower, he's a water creature after all. (The Sign)

(Last week)

[angel-dustspo]

Daily check in - Day 90!!!

Workouts:

20 mins dumbell upper body workout by growingannanas

10 mins dumbell arm workout by growingannanas

10 minutes posture fix by emi wong

Steps: 21 729

Water intake: 2.5 liters

Sleep: 7h 50 mins

Studying:

Legit took the hardest test of my life, MATH OLYMPICS. think I'm getting a 15/28 so I'm hopefully passing to the next stage, not like I've ever been prepared for such a test or that I knew how to solve that stuff ( I solved a single problem out of four and the rest mainly guessed yk😭😭)

did some more math hw at home

read 20 pages only

Screen time: high:(

Self care:

baked the moistest, richest and tastiest chocolate banana bread of my life + had as much as I wanted because I don't want to be afraid of sweets again 🧸☕️

fear foods I ate today: vanilla coffee, chocolate biscuits, lots of banana bread

Emotion log:

Well I'm sososo proud of myself for working the entire 3 hours on the math olympics and for solving that ENTIRE exercise, I didn't expect to actually do anything but I did somehow !!!

Even prouder of how the banana bread turned out, ESPECIALLY since it's the first time I ever baked one and it's so tasty I had to eat four slices😭😭

Yeah guys as yall could already figure out, my deficit is NOT deficiting at all and at this point I can't even regret or blame myself, I luckily already got used to eating normally and I really can't help myself to another serving of chocolate anything (maybe when I'll get back from my vacation I will start eating clean fr because my skin is pretty bad and it's going to be photoshoot time again, who knows tho??)

Yeah and one more MY TRIP TO SPAIN IS SOON AND I'M NOT GOING TO HAVE ANY FOOD RULES AT ALL AND I WILL EAT SO MANY CHOCOLATE PASTRIES WITHOUT ANY GUILT, CANNOT PHYSICALLY WAIT.

Thoughts for tomorrow:

Do well on the english exam that has been haunting me by getting postponed basically the last 2 weeks

maybe have a crispy sandwich ??

[collegeboysam]

What have you been thinking of Aemond in season 2?? It seems like he’s just been moping in the brothel ever since he killed Luke…

I know you sent me this before tonight's new episode but I GOTTA TELL YOU!

How much Aemond has been depressed at the brothel has been a legit surprise. I thought it would be one quick scene and that would be it? The fact that we got multiple moments and across different episodes was unexpected, more so when you consider his other possible reasons to be so sad. He doesn't even fucking mention Jaehaerys, what the fuck? He seems more bitter that Alicent blames him for what happened with Luke than actually depressed, as his conversation with Cole calling her a fool kinda confirms (for me.)

So, all in all, as an enjoyer of the unclefucker nephewife bridage I'm not even mad that they are really nailing in how much he regrets killing Luke. It's not even crumbles anymore, he's legit so miserable he has to go lay in someone's arms about it, while not even fucking?😭😭 He didn't even use to go to the brothel at all before, the only thing that changed between then and now is that Lucerys is no longer around. This is delicious doomed yearning to me. He goes to the brothel to let all his regrets and melancoly out, completely naked, while not putting his dick anywhere. Ohhhh Aemond Targaryen, the consequences of killing the fated husband you were meant to both love and hate truly are something else, huh?

As a side note, after seeing tonight's episode (and this is just me obviously watching with my insane medievalincest fucker goggles on and whatnot) I can't help with notice that Aemond has been so zooned out astral projecting himself into a reality where he didn't kill Luke, that he only started plotting and scheming against Aegon once he made fun of his super strange way to yearn and miss Luke 😭lmaaoooo more so when Aegon was being like "Oh you're here because she's sooo good you can't fuck anyone else?" but we know Aemond is not fucking anyone, he's there to...mourn his nephew, apparently? And then right after making fun of it Aegon gets melted into his armor. Curious indeed!

Plus how smug Aemond looks as soon as he finished killing not one but TWO family members? Quite the contrast of how he looked after killing Luke (and the following weeks being a sad boy at the brothel about it.) In my deluded but njoyable mind, almost everything Aemond has been doing so far this season is somehow haunted by Luke's existance, or rather by the lack of it. Truly a 10 course meal to me.

[mazzystar24]

actually the hospital wing joke is starting to bother me a lot more because buck actually fucking died 😭and he didnt even change clothes from being at the hospital all day why would you say that to someone. ik it was a fakeout but bobby looked like he was fr coding on the table. and like just a couple weeks before chimney almost died?? like im sorry i only accept those kinda jokes from people who have known me for years and even then they can be a little upsetting.

thats the thing though!!!! id be perfectly fine with buck and tommy if they gave us more than actual crumbs. 709 felt like buck had more chemistry with ravi in the same scene that tommy was in! they’re supposed to be dating so why do they feel like colleagues? and why are the more emotional and vulnerable scenes getting given to EDDIE if they want me to support buck and tommy as a couple? why wasnt tommy at the hospital with them considering he’s said multiple times he wishes he had a family like the 118 does? why are the only times hes on screen now only establishing his jealousy and that gerrard exists? is that the only reason why hes still here?

actually i wanna get back to 706. it wouldve been so easy to keep tommy there but they wrote him out of most of the episode 😭 he couldve said for the bachelor party! he couldve helped them find chimney! he couldve done literally ANYTHING. chimney was confused as hell as to why he even showed up at the wedding at all 😭 but no!!! they had him show up, ignore what buck wanted, then leave so we could have buck and eddie performing their drunk mating rituals or whatever 🤸‍♂️ but yeah buddie who?

also im never letting go of the wedding singer comment btw because what was that. why did they make tommy reference a movie where the two leads in the ROMANTIC COMEDY start the story dating the wrong people. i feel insane about it actually. also him calling buck evan will forever confuse me until we get an actual acknowledgement in canon because literally why

and the humor falls so flat but eddie has the same type of humor and it never does. he was making fun of buck in 706 (the making chimneys wedding about him line) but it never actually felt serious to me?

anyway sorry for yelling in your inbox i have a lot of mixed emotions about this season -birthmark anon

Yes totally get that like I’m the same like me and my best friend will be saying downright horrendous trauma jokes to eachother that make people around us clutch their pearls but I feel like it takes a certain level of rapport to get to trauma joke level - ig not everyone is the same when it comes to that but I think that again the writers absolutely failed to give us enough bucktommy scenes that justify having this kinda line

AGHSKF NOT THE BUCK /RAVI AHJDKFKF 😭😭😭 THIS IS ESPECIALLY FUNNY WHEN YOU SEE THE BUCKTOMMY SCENE AT THE CEREMONY VS THOSE BUCKLEY DIAZ FAMILY STILLS (still bitter the scene got cut) like someone explain to me why the actual couple is coming across less couple-y

ALSO FR THO THE SARDONIC ENERGY IS JUST NOT BEING BALANCED RIGHT like it’s coming across more 🧍

Like i can’t remember who I was talking to the other day but I was saying like this 🧍emoji just embodies Tommy to me

EXACTLYYYYY LIKE PURELY UNHINGED TO HAVE SUCH AN EMOTIONAL EPISODE AND MAKE NO EFFORT TO USE THOSE EMOTIONAL BEATS TO DEVELOP THEIR DYNAMIC BUT INSTEAD CONTRAST THAT WITH THE VULNERABILITY BETWEEN BUCK AND EDDIE THIS EPISODE

AHSJKF we going back to 7x06 and that’s so valid of us AGSJKF DRUNK MATING RITUALS AHJDKFKF STOP IM CACKLING

THE WEDDING SINGER COMMENT HAUNTS ME ISTG BECAUSE EVERY NOW AND THEN ILL REMEMBER THIS COSTUME DETAIL AND WAKE UP IN A COLD SWEAT:

THE CALLING HIM EVAN THING I LEGIT MADE LIKE THREE THEORIES ON RANGING FROM POSITIVITY TO NEGATIVITY

YES ABOUT THE HUMOUR like there just isn’t that balance or lightness to even the joke out, like I’m a big dry humour and sarcastic girlie but it’s just not being delivered right in a way idk if it’s the writing or the acting or just the fact its most his very small screentime but it’s just falling flat to me

Never apologise for yelling in my inbox babe and same for the mixed emotions

Love ya birthmark anon byee 🫶🫶

[shiny-jr]

Hellooo I found your work and have been binging it all and I saw that you didn't mind the feedback, so here goes

The retainer!mc felt too much like the YA book trope of 'edgy' Mc, like trying to show a cool and collected vibe but ends up like bella from twilight in a not so flattering way, the others felt like they did something or had the bases for the cast obsession on them to grow, this mc for me missed the mark, and I did felt like stopping mid read because I found them uninteresting, but all the others delivered for me so, I wanted to know how it ended

Also in a post you said about the retainer being important to vil, then shouldn't he show a threat or something to the new one? At least suspicion I guess, it felt to smooth for the MC unlike others

Anon, I saw this message not long after you sent it, but as mentioned in the last post, I got so busy I couldn't respond. But trust me when I say this: your words haunted me.

Don't worry, I'm not offended at all. I welcome the criticism, but goddamn this one... Look, usually when I get criticism, I nod, go "aight", and move on. I don't get offended when people critique my works. But yours legit made me clutch my heart? My pearls? Idk. I was baffled. That one kinda hurted, not gonna lie.

Let me tell you, I've been writing since about 2016. I like to think I have definitely improved. I've gotten countless messages and comments in the years since. Some good, some bad, most good, a few worse. However, I have never really cared in the sense where it stuck with me. But bro, when I tell you this felt like a slap in the face. A bucket of cold icy water being dumped on my head. Don't worry though. It was a probably well deserved metaphorical slap.

The point is, your words were at the back of my head for like a week. I actually discussed it with a mutual, and I think I figured it out. I wrote Pomefiore differently. Pomefiore is the sole result that just feels like its for the simps, probably because I was thinking of them the most when writing it. It was unintentional, I think, but that's the reason I came up with my mind.

Anyways, like I said, not at all offended. Just kinda an eye-opening comment, I suppose. I'm not really bothered if it's not your favorite, because a lot of other people seem to like it. And if there's one thing I learned after years of writing, is that you cannot win them all. No matter what you write, it won't appeal to everyone. That's literally impossible.

Okay, I digress, this has dragged on for too long, but I feel like I had to get that out there and share my response. Again, anon, thank you for your words! I appreciate it, even if it doesn't seem like it.

[campingwiththecharmings]

Safe Haven

AN: This has probably been done already but I saw a prompt (“Can we stay like this just for a minute longer?”) and immediately thought of Marc so, hope someone other than me enjoys it. It's self-indulgent af, ngl. This is my first Moon Knight fic, please be gentle (I legit agonized for weeks about getting Marc's characterization right 😭).

Without another word, you walk to him, your bare feet padding softly across the floor. He jumps a little when you touch his arm, seemingly lost in his thoughts. His smile is apologetic but strained when he looks at you, his muscles tense. You begin to look him over, your fingers gently tilting his head this way and that as your eyes scrutinize every inch of him. “I’m okay,” he says again, this time softer, his hands coming up to rest over yours, halting your inspection of his face. “I can’t get hurt, remember?”

Rated: T (for references to violence/blood) Words: 2,325 Pairing: Marc Spector x GN!Reader Warnings: hurt/comfort, a little more angst than I’d anticipated (oops), softness, touch-starved!Marc, unresolved sexual tension, yearning, brief mention of blood/injuries. AO3

——————

It’s late when he knocks on your door. 

He looks weary, the dark circles beneath his eyes visible even in the darkness of the hallway.

“Marc,” you breathe, your eyes doing a quick once over of him. 

Streaks of blood mar his skin and the sight makes your stomach drop. 

“I’m okay,” he says quickly, evidently sensing your distress.

Your eyes flick back to his, the panic rising in your chest dissipating a fraction at the earnestness of his gaze. After a beat, you nod, waving him in and closing the door softly behind him. He shuffles across the room, the sound of his boots rasping against your area rug filling your ears before he stops. After bolting the door, you turn, studying him from across the room. His arms are limp at his sides, head bowed slightly as he stares blankly at the wall. You chew your lip, ignoring the pang of worry that stabs through you. 

Without another word, you walk to him, your bare feet padding softly across the floor. He jumps a little when you touch his arm, seemingly lost in his thoughts. His smile is apologetic but strained when he looks at you, his muscles tense. You begin to look him over, your fingers gently tilting his head this way and that as your eyes scrutinize every inch of him.

“I’m okay,” he says again, this time softer, his hands coming up to rest over yours, halting your inspection of his face. “I can’t get hurt, remember?”

That’s not entirely true, though, and he knows it. Sure, Khonshu’s power heals his physical wounds, but what about the others? The ones you can’t see, the ones deep down inside him, the ones he tries to hide, that he ignores. This life is killing him. Maybe not his body, but his soul, his heart. It eats away at him, you know it does, you see it in his eyes, in that look he gets when he thinks you’re not paying attention—he’s haunted.

He’d never tell you that, of course, not when he’s spent most of his life thinking he’s a burden to everyone around him, that he’s an inconvenience. In his mind, he’s already asking too much of you just by coming here, by accepting your help. The knowledge makes your heart ache. 

He forces a smile, trying his best to alleviate your concern. You hold his gaze, unable (and unwilling) to smile back, to help him lie to you, to himself. Realizing he isn’t fooling you, he looks away, the corners of his mouth turning down, that little crease between his eyebrows making an appearance.

“Come on,” you say softly after a moment, loosely threading your fingers through his.

He lets you guide him without a fight, trailing behind you as you lead him toward your bathroom. Once inside, you release him, turning on the warm water before grabbing a washcloth and a few towels from the closet. Marc stands in the doorway silently, half in, half out. You gesture for him to take a seat on the closed toilet seat before wetting the washcloth in the sink. He sits heavily as you wring out the excess water, blankly staring at your hands as you work. 

Turning to face him again, you briefly pause, eyes flicking over him as if you’re considering where to begin. What you’re really waiting for though, is for him to look at you. It takes him almost five minutes to meet your eyes, to pull himself back from wherever he’d gone. 

“Still okay?” you ask, allowing your lips to quirk a little.

He nods, averting his eyes again. “Yeah.”

Sighing quietly, you step into his space, close enough to smell him, to feel the warmth of him through his clothes. He looks up at you from where he’s seated, eyes guarded, yet somehow still pleading (though, for what, you’re not entirely sure). Gently, you press the damp cloth against his cheek, dragging it slowly down toward his neck. You know that he doesn't really need you to do this, that there aren’t any cuts or gashes that need tending to, but he doesn’t stop you, somehow knowing this is just as much for you as it is for him. 

His eyes are on you as you work, slowly dragging the cloth back up his neck and over the underside of his jaw. His throat bobs when you take his chin between your fingers, tilting his head to the side as you move the cloth over the other side of his face. His breath skims over your skin as he exhales softly, eyelids fluttering a little at your touch, as if he’s fighting not to close them. Your heart aches for him, aches at the thought that this is likely the only non-violent physical contact he’s had in weeks; it’s one of the reasons he comes to you, you know. He’ll never admit it, will never tell you that he needs this, that he needs your attention, your care, your softness. You keep moving the cloth over his skin long after the smears of blood are gone, if only to give him a little bit more of what he’d never let himself ask you for. 

When he starts to fidget, you stop, slowly stepping back and meeting his eyes. They are closed off again and you ignore the sharp stab of disappointment that laces through your chest, mentally scolding yourself for daring to hope that this time would be different. You gesture toward the shower stall behind him, clearing your throat in an attempt to break the tension that’s settled between you.

“You finish up. I’ll, um, go find you some clothes to change into.”

He nods, reaching for one of the towels you’d left for him on the counter. “Thanks.”

You hum in response as you turn away. His eyes are on you again as you leave, boring holes into your back as you close the door softly behind you. A sigh escapes you once you’re on the other side, whether it’s relief, disappointment, or a mixture of the two though, you’re unsure. 

You don’t really know how to describe what this is between you and Marc. It’s not a friendship, not exactly. It’s certainly not romantic. There’s trust there, yes, but it’s never gone beyond the longing looks and you giving him a safe place to lay low. There is something there though, a kind of tether, one that keeps you connected to him and he to you. You have a soft spot for him, one that makes it impossible for you to ever let him go, even though you know you probably should. He’s never going to give you what you want, he doesn’t think he can, that he’s even worthy. 

You wish he’d try, though. You wish it so much it hurts sometimes.

A pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt are folded and stashed in the back of your closet. Marc had left them the last time he’d been there, and you hadn’t had the heart to toss them. You pull them from their hiding place (still wondering why you even felt the need to hide them in the first place) and stare at them for a moment, your fingers lightly caressing the soft cotton of the shirt. You leave them in front of the closed bathroom door, knocking softly to let him know that they’re there. There’s no response from inside, just the muffled hiss of the spray from the shower. Trying not to linger, you turn away, heading toward your kitchen—gods, do you ever need a drink.

You grab a glass from one of the cupboards and pour yourself a finger or two of the whiskey from your secret stash. It burns your throat as it goes down, warming you from the inside out and you close your eyes with a sigh at the sensation. After a long moment, the sound of someone clearing their throat reaches your ears and you open your eyes to see Marc standing awkwardly in the doorway. 

He runs a hand through his damp hair and points at the bottle of liquor beside you. “May I?”

You nod, studying him as he walks over, tracing the lines of his face with your eyes. He looks even more tired in the stark light of your kitchen, the bruises beneath his eyes purple, his jaw clenched, his shoulders more rounded than usual. You bite back a smile at his mussed hair though, his curls far more unruly than you know he likes them to be, and suddenly, you’re struck with the urge to pull a brush through them, to tame them, to quell the chaos (be it inside or out). He’ll say no if you ask him outright, wouldn’t dream of putting you out like that (as if brushing his hair of your own free will is an inconvenience), so you have to get creative.

“Would you do something for me?” you ask, your eyes and voice soft.

His eyes flick to yours as he swallows his mouthful of whiskey, his tongue swiping across his lips to catch any of the excess.

“Of course,” he says, nodding as he looks around the room, as if trying to anticipate your request. “Whatever you need.”

You smile and start to walk out of the kitchen, no doubt leaving him a little confused. When you enter your living room, you nod toward the bathroom. “Mind grabbing my brush? It’s in the drawer on the right.”

He nods again, shuffling over to and then through the door. When he returns, you’re seated on your couch, flipping through the various channels before settling on some mindless show. You motion him over when you notice he’s returned, hoping he hasn’t figured out your true intention. He still looks confused (and maybe a tad suspicious) as he hands you the brush. Your fingers graze his as you take it, and you see this throat bob as he swallows.

“Sit,” you say simply, motioning to the pillow on the floor between your feet.

His brow furrows, the crease between his eyes deepening as he looks between you and the pillow. “What?”

“Please,” you say softly, your eyes pleading. “Sit.”

He stares at you for a moment longer, trying to figure out what the purpose of this request is. His brows unfurrow a fraction when he figures it out, and he looks away, embarrassed. “You don’t have to—”

“I know I don’t have to. I want to.”

He meets your eyes again, his deep brown ones hesitant but curious. 

“Please, Marc.”

After a moment, he nods, sighing quietly as he takes his seat on the pillow between your feet. He’s broader than you anticipated, and you have to widen your legs a little to accommodate him. Once you have yourself situated, you get to work, gently pulling him so his back is resting against the base of the couch. He fidgets as he sits, his hands clenching and unclenching into fists in his lap.

“Comfortable?” you ask, leaning forward enough that you can see the side of his face.

“Not really,” he mutters, and you huff a laugh through your nose in response.

You lean back, raising the brush and setting it at his hairline. You pull it through gently, taking care not to pull on any of his curls. His hair is beautiful, you’ve always thought so, have longed to run your fingers through the meticulously styled locks. You prefer it when his curls are like this, unruly and free of the product he uses to keep them in check. It’s softer than you’d imagined, the dark strands like silk against your fingers. He’s silent as you work, his body still tense. Little by little though, he relaxes, his shoulder pressing a little more heavily against the inside of your knee, more of his arm resting against your calf. 

Longing wells inside of you as you brush and you chew your bottom lip, as if to stave it off. Not for the first time, you wonder why he doesn’t want this, why he doesn’t want you. Was there something wrong with you? Were you too pushy? Too annoying? Too accommodating? Maybe there was someone else—the thought results in a sharp stab in your chest that you quickly shoo away, unable (or unwilling) to deal with it at the moment.

No. Instead, you settle for this; savoring every touch he allows, every moment he spends in your presence.

You’re finished far sooner than you’d like, his curls untangled and (mostly) lying flat. There’s that one curl though, the one above his right eyebrow that never seems to want to lie flat; it’s rebellious, stubborn, always breaking free from the confines of the styling gel he uses. It’s your favorite, you think, always falling across his forehead or into his eyes, unwilling to be tamed.

“All finished,” you rasp quietly, an inexplicable sadness welling inside you.

His hand wraps around your ankle as you move to let him up. His grip is gentle, but insistent, and you pause, a little shocked at his willingness to initiate this type of contact.

“Can we just…stay like this for a little longer?” he asks, his voice soft and a little rough.

There’s a pang in your chest at his question, one that somehow both cuts and soothes; he doesn’t feel like he deserves this kind of attention, this softness, yet he allows you to provide it nonetheless. Emotion swells in your chest and suddenly you’re thankful that he can’t see your face. You clear your throat, willing your voice to remain neutral.

“Sure.” 

He nods in thanks, leaning into you even more heavily than before and something inside you cracks a little. This time, you forgo the brush, instead combing your fingers through his locks, heart stuttering in your chest as he leans into every single touch.

If you enjoyed this, please let me know! I appreciate every single reblog and/or comment. Thank you. 💖

🌟 Masterlist 🌟

i am no longer doing a taglist. please follow @charmingupdates for updates and turn on notifications.

Also tagging a couple of people who were interested in this fic. If you want to be tagged on any future posts, please let me know 🥰: @spacecowboyhotch @ninebluehearts

[jaynnie-jane]

I asked my Mum today

"How did I get it so wrong??"

"because you can't know someone until you know them"

And I think those words will haunt me.

I also made the mistake of not playing multiplayer video games that require co-operation with and against the general public with him until recently.

One AMAZING year where I thought all my dreams came true. One year of wonderful travel that I will cherish but also prevented me from getting the help I needed to not be sick for all of it.

And two years of the most crippling depression I have ever experienced combined with the death of my Nan, social isolation and a partner that couldn't support me through it because of their own issues and traumas...

I feel tricked into trusting you were the right fit. Your words and eventual actions (or inaction) didn't align where it often mattered most.

"yeah, for sure, Mauritius has great health care so if this mystery illness continues we will totally get it looked into"

"yes, I hear that you just wanted someone to hold you while you cried and you were nervous to ask that of me. And of course I can do that for you. Oh, right now? Oh, no, now I feel cornered into a situation I am not comfortable with and I don't like that you expect me to just drop everything I am doing because you need me".... That one. That last one was the nail in the coffin. We had barely spoken for two weeks...

Such a low bar.

Don't be a victim.

I should have listened to my gut rather than my values, my capacity to rationalise and be generous in my assumptions.

I should have been more unmovable in saying I didn't want to travel for three more months while still being randomly sick for unknown reasons.

I keep going to write "I should have xyz" but the reality is that there's zero chance that I could have even attempted it.

I should have tried harder to find a therapist that wasn't struggling with me.... But by the time I knew that, you had withdrawn your financial support...

I SHOULD have said "No, I will not move in with my parents. If this current situation is no good for you then YOU need to try harder to work out how to be okay with it. Or YOU move out.

...except, because you earn too much I wasn't eligible for government assistance which really allowed for the financial abuse.

As much as I say "don't be the victim"... I was.

I needed help. I couldn't do it alone. I NEEDED the people closest to me to say "woah hey, you're legit acting crazy, this isn't you! Let's get you some help, let's spend time working out WTAF is wrong with you and focus on fixing that FIRST.

What I should have done... I should have left you. I should have ended things when I first thought we were but was then told that I was actually just agreeing to moving out.

Every time my body screamed DANGER! RUN! I should have.

I will always love you. I will always be your cheerleader. But I will also find my way back to me - the girl that told you, you were being a bit of a dick head by cheating on his partner and not telling her. The girl that openly challenged the double standard and lack of empathy from you when you and your previous ex fell apart.

I should have listened to my gut on that day. But I had faith in your therapist.

I guess I fell for the person I thought you were becoming, that the red flags I was seeing were just because it was recent and raw. I would never have guessed you would still think and feel the same way a year later, let alone 4 years later.

So... I didn't get it wrong. I just wanted to believe I wasn't right... And that's a TERRIBLE thing to build a relationship on top of.

[cleolinda]

Weekend links, April 7, 2024

My posts

This week feels like it has been a hundred years long (not in a bad way). 

Somehow we joined together to balance the seesaw just right so Ava Gardner and Jean Seberg could both go through in the Hot Vintage Lady polls (percentages rounded). Like, I’m wearing the Ava jersey and even I encouraged people to vote Jean when necessary. Honestly, I just wanted to see if it could be done. And it COULD. 

Round three has begun. It is already horrific. This is the first round that’s really going to hurt because we spent the last one really getting down in the dirt and championing our ladies, or learning about actresses we’d never heard of before and getting attached to them. And now? We are reminded: memento mori. Everyone loses but one. 

(I personally pitched in for Sara Montiel. “BUT JUST LOOK AT--” Yeah, I did, thanks.)

Reblogs of interest

April Fool’s Day: You were here for the Boopening, yes? The whole thing was that you only got badges for giving boops, not receiving them, which is a great way to not reward popularity contests, but also means that every last one of us was out here trying to figure out who to bap with a cat’s paw 1000 times. I said, listen, my notifications are already trash garbage today. I’ll take the bullet. Boop at will.

The Activity graph isn’t too clear on this point, but it looks like I had something like 65,000--hits? engagements? boops?--that day. Listen, I got the black paw badge too. We all did what we had to do in the Boopening. 

A Shakespearean boop of goodly length: “And, Meowntague, come you this afternoon, to know our further pleasure in this case, to old Food-bowl, our common judgment-place.” 

I had to go lie down awhile after a pun like “The Purrge.”

--

I had just gotten up from that pun and then I had to go lie down again.

Account security gothic

The Canada griffin

Dinotopia nostalgia

Two pairs of spectacles, one made from slices of emerald, and the other from slices of diamond

An old favorite: Cerberus as a puppy, guarding the gates to heck

I feel like these two posts have the same energy: Time cops will not let you travel back to the Titanic and bloodthirsty gazebos are currently in a dormancy period.

The birds are still troubled

PSA: The best sunscreens for your face

Video

A collection of various American Indian/indigenous American languages, including Navajo, Tlingit, Lakota, Colville Okanagan Salish, Cherokee, Yucatec Maya, Greenlandic, Mohawk, Yup'ik, and Mi'kmawi'simk. 

A trans health-and-wellness fundraiser (Mercury Stardust, Point of Pride, and friends) kept getting banned off Tiktok due to assholes. Here’s how to donate; I saw a few “here’s how they helped me” notes, so it seems like these programs are both legit and effective. 

You think you’re going to sit staring at this video because Chocolate Guy is weaving chocolate. Then you get into it, and it just keeps going.

“Too Sweet” is doing hilariously well on the charts for a song that didn’t even make the album proper. Hozier’s bees would like to thank you for your support.

I know I said that Stevie Nicks would make you sing backup on your own haunting, but late in this 1997 live performance of “Silver Springs,” she makes Lindsey Buckingham, the man she wrote this song about, look her in the eye while she belts it at him. This specific performance was released as a single (I was there, Gandalf) and nominated for a Grammy. Watch the video and you will see why.

The Women Those ‘Evolution Of Beauty’ Videos Leave Out

I don’t really know how to describe this rubberhose-style cartoon of Cab Calloway as a singing nightmare clown. Betty Boop is also there. “You just described it!” No, I really didn’t. 

How movable type worked 1000 years ago, from scratch.

Unrestrained seasonal yak fun

A snowy raven photoshoot

The sacred texts

I don’t know how to explain this double Sacred Text about ominous dreams that comes with its own comic, except to say that they’re so iconic that I first saw both posts in lo-res Pinterest screencaps.

April Fool’s: The ultimate sacred text.

Personal tag of the week

Wet beast Wednesday, which had both a headshake stickflip and bears on a swan boat.

[reefs-slider]

OOC! This is hopefully the last update before I have the full piece finished for the Reef party drawing

First I must say I did not expect to take up to two months to do the whole thing Orz

I got everyone on the drawing now! I am just in the cleanup and rendering stages which I hope will take me maybe a two weeks? With exams and everything lol

I do kinda apologize for taking this long lol, I did want to make more pieces (One big piece and a bunch of smaller ones) but I unfortunately couldn't (did one small before I got everyone's references that has been finished for a while now and this big one with 16 characters)

On an rp standpoint I'm probably having Reef finally kinda open up a bit emotionally and them struggling to put everything into words being the sole reason why they haven't posted the party photos for this long lol

Here some final drawing updates under the cut

I've tried to have everyone interacting with something or someone at the minimum (also I think you can see the scale of the image just by seeing the size of some people in between the screenshots lol)

I am legit very happy how it's turning out and I just want to see it finished, this has been legit haunting me for the past two months lol

[carionto]

"Trisha's Log, Day... I don't dare keep up anymore..."

Part 1 2 3 4 5

(Haespar: It's day two. Trisha: Stop ruining my vibe, you're still dead. Haespar: Yes, and I'm haunting you. With facts. Trisha: *hisses*)

"IT HAS BEEN AN INDETERMINABLE NUMBER OF DAYS since I began this expedition, now turned struggle for survival. I've lost Emily and am actively searching for her, but having not had a bite to eat in weeks and running low on water, I don't know if I'll succeed. To whoever finds this-" (Emily: I got the remote power module. And some snacks, here. Haespar: Ooh, melon flavored, my favorite. Thank you very much, Emily. Trisha: *already chowing down on some cheese sticks* Dankss Ehmilhy, yhour da bhest. *gulp* Where was I? Haespar: Starving despair and loneliness. Trisha: Right! Emily, you're currently gone, so just be your usual self and the audience won't know.)

"If you've found this log, I am dead. I died while carrying out my vital mission and searching for my lovely assistant, but failed catastrophically. Unless you're listening to this from a library archive, in which case I totally succeeded and became an awesome legend!"

Trisha continues to detail all of her future exploits and galaxy spanning quest for vengeance, love, mystery, and cake.

Meanwhile:

Haespar: Alright, adjust the telemetry of this unit to the one Valencio cooked up yesterday, and that should hook the biological scanners back up to the bridge. Emily: Done. Haespar: Excellent. *taps his datapad* Ira, bio scans are up on our end, confirm? Ira: Yup, all green. Reading you three down there nice and clean. Trisha's a bit heated up. Monologuing? Haespar: About her imminent demise after years aboard this derelict. Ira: *chuckles* Alright, good to know. While you're there, check on the tertiary power splitter two floors down, the main one up here is acting up a little. Haespar: Will do. Hmm? What's wrong, Emily? Emily: It's flickering between 27 and 28. Haespar: What? Emily: The number of lifesigns aboard.

Trisha: WHOA WHOA WHOA!!! Legit mystery time! *gently into the recorder* (Pause on seducing one of the heads of the three headed corrupt banker to blackmail him for trade secrets only to learn the evil tech startup was a Illuminati cabal all along) Let me see, where is this mystery life dot.

Haespar: It's jumping all over, is there a pattern yet, Emily? Emily: Need to log more data, but doesn't feel like it.

Trisha: It is popping up for a few seconds and disappears for about four times as long though. Hey, isn't that kinda like how you'd do a radio connection attempt? Brute force every frequency range. Oh wait, but then you'd just do all at the same time. Hacking maybe? Trying to get into a specific system without tripping any alarms?

Emily *into her comms unit*: Ira, please send an all frequency ping at these intervals towards us.

Ira: Alright, *shouting* Valencio, give Emily these pings. *normal again* Should be sorted in a tick, what's that about anyway?

Haespar: The lifesign readings are being weird, showing a 28th at regular intervals in random locations. Could be one of the system we haven't checked yet is acting funny and somehow interfering wi- Emily: Wait. It stopped flickering. A 28th. On the bridge. *To comms* Ira?

Ira: Uhh, yeah. I'm looking at him.

???: Hello, my name is Professor Iorvan Hal'Ahmat Garaamhan. Thank you for answering my call.

Continue->

[eisforeidolon]

Question: So in something that you guys spent the last 15 years in, you were hunting things. Have you had any supernatural experiences yourself?

Jared: I was just, oh - [hits Jensen's shoulder] I don't know if I told you this yet. Gen and I just went to Edenborough a couple weeks back. We get to this hotel that's like a refashioned castle as goes in the UK. And our room is haunted. And Gen - we're unpacking, we're jetlagged - and Gen goes, hey I think our room is haunted. And I just go, I know. We go out to dinner or something, come back and our curtains are opening and closing, our lights are turning on and off, our bathroom light starts leaking water even though we're on, like, the first floor of seven or something? So there's no reason -

Questioner: That's not good!

Jared: Yeah. And so legit, legit, we're in bed and I just, we're laying down, and I just say out loud, I'm like, hey, we see you, we hear you, we know you're here, can we talk tomorrow? It all stops. Until the next day. Sorry?

Question: They just wanted a little attention.

Jared: They wanted attention, yeah, so I was just like, hey, I like, channeled my inner SWs and was like hey we gotcha, we're paying attention, but we're jetlagged. Like, we're all about listening, hearing you, but can we do this tomorrow? And calm. Curtains stopped moving, the rain like stops - it was ridiculous. It was honestly ridiculous.

Jensen: [laughs] Sure you weren't talking to God?

Jared: Maybe, maybe. Maybe, I think he has better things to do. Chuck, leave us alone for tonight. We can address this tomorrow.

Jensen: Um, our house in Austin, uh, is a - it's, it was built in 1910. And we've been doing some refurbishing remodeling and stuff with it. And some of the workers quit on the job. And they didn't say why. And the project manager said that they had to go do another job or something like that. We then found out that they had seen some things in - on the third floor. The house used to be, I think in the 50s it used to be a multi-unit, uh, place?

Jared: Multi-unit torture chamber! [laughs]

Jensen: Yeah, and apparently there was a, a, like an apartment on the third floor of the attic, it'd been done like that, so. They had reportedly seen something or someone up there. So Danneel - and of course she knows somebody that deals with this - gets, has this woman come over who is like a medium, clairvoyant, y'know - like straight out of Poltergeist. Like [does voice] this house is clear. Like she found this woman who came over and they went up to the third floor - I was out of town at this time. I was like, go ahead, have fun, knock yourself out. And they went up there and she was like oh yeah, this is where he hurt her. She's like, nobody died, but this is definitely, the energy in here is, is, is bad. So the drywall was off, so you could see like, y'know, the wall and the studs and everything, it was down to the studs and - don't [Jared starts to interrupt, Jensen talks over him] don't say it! Don't - Stop! Stop!

Jared: Down to me?

Jensen: I was trying to avoid the word, and I'm like I gotta say it, that's what it is and I knew that dumbdumb here was gonna jump on it like a grenade.

Jared: You called me again?

Jensen: [cracks up] How often do you take the stud finder and go -

J2: [simultaneously run imaginary beeping stud finders across themselves]

Jared: Every time.

Jensen: Every time.

Jared: [does it again] Gen doesn't think it's funny.

Jensen: No, no. It's hilarious. So this woman and Danneel, they go up to the third floor and she makes this concoction, this mixture of, like, like a five pound bag of rice and then some other things and trinkets and stuff and she starts doing some incantations and then they go out to the porch. And they put all of the mixture, the rice on the porch. And Danneel's like, okay, now what. And she's like, well, they'll use this mixture to leave the house, effectively. The spirits or whatever. And so she's like, okay, thinking well now I'm gonna have to come back tomorrow and clean all this up. She gets a call from our project manager, because we weren't there at the time. And he's like, and she's like or - he was asking her a question and she's like hey sorry about all the rice and stuff on the front porch, you can just clean that up. And he's like, what rice? And she's like, what? And we were just - she was just down the street and so she whipped over there and it was all gone. And she was like, you didn't have anybody clean this up? And he's like, I don't know what you're talking about. It was all gone.

Audience member: Seagulls!

Jensen: Yeah, it was actually 14 seagulls that came in. Good callback, good callback [previous questioner asked about seagulls] that's good comedy right there. So I dunno, we're probably still dealing with - I have another story, too, but for another time.

[chialeah]

TCR EPISODE 9

Fuck- this episode was so tense and heartbreaking but so so good! Definitely the toughest episode to watch so far. Masterclass in acting from all the cast involved! Major spoilers below!

1. With minimal dialogue from Danny this episode Tom brilliantly spoke through his eyes/body language to convey Danny’s inner thoughts/emotions. I truly was heartbroken watching Danny watch Candy betray him and stay loyal to Marlin. Also his face during the final scene! I truly couldn’t handle it.

2. The actress playing the DA is eating fr. I will definitely have to check out more of her work! Christopher Abbott has also been giving a wonderful performance these past few episodes. I’m such a big fan of his work and TCR has been a great addition. They truly are the backbone of the trial and have been doing a great job raising bigger issues/questions about Danny’s overall place.

3. Annabelle, Angelo, and Jerome taking the witness stand was a great addition. You could tell that they all were sort of empathetic to the internal struggles Danny has been dealing with(whether or not he deserved it in those specific situations). Jerome-I love you fr! I’ve loved his performances from these past two episodes and am grateful that he has been able to show a more gentle/vulnerable side to Danny and his alters.

4. Candy! I appreciate that the episode established that she was at the receiving end of abuse too. “Guilt or Grief, which one can you bear” is such a banger line and it was interesting to see how Candy reacted to it. I HATE that she did that to her own son but I get why she was so afraid. She wasn’t ready to lose everything so she decided push her own son further away by lying. Truly a shame fr! I hate Marlin so so so much! Appreciate the actor giving this role his all because he’s truly made Marlin such a despicable character lol. The look of heartbreak between Candy and Danny after she took the stand will haunt me.

5. The final scene! I had such a visceral reaction to this scene it was crazy! I knew that the binder clip was going to come back in a dangerous way. The look of solemn terror but also relief after Danny harms himself was so heartbreaking I legit started to sob. I do appreciate the show not showing the action of abuse or self harm but rather the characters reactions to it. I think this is a really smart way to emphasize the emotional/psychological toll it takes. I have a lot of questions about the outcome of Danny’s action in this scene but i guess we’ll find out more next week!

6. Spoilers!- From the set pictures and locations used during the filming of episode 10 it seems that whatever the outcome of the trial is Danny hopefully (eventually) gets sent to a mental facility upstate! Looks like some time has passed and Rya goes to visit Danny. He even has his scars from where he harmed himself! I’ll put some of the set pics below! This is truly saving me from having a full freak out about this episode lol.

Hopeful that we get to have some closure for Ari, Jonny, and the other alters in some capacity in the next episode. Hopefully Candy steps up in some way in the next episode as well. I also am looking forward for Danny’s defense (including Rya) to get a fucking win in the incoming parts of the trial. This show has truly done a great job giving example to the nuanced history mental illness has had within the social/judicial/political systems at play here in the U.S. Can’t believe we’re at the finale already! Looking forward to seeing these storylines get wrapped up. Great job all around! Bravo Tom!

My episode ranking so far:

9-8-7-6-3-5-4-2-1

[purplesurveys]

1950

Are you afraid of the dark? Generally, no. But I also haven't been in situations where I actively test out my fear of the dark (like entering a haunted house attraction? haha) so I don't actually really know for sure.

Do you watch American Horror Story? No.

Does your hometown have any urban legends/scary stories? I'm sure it does as my country is generally a fan of horror legends and stories. I just wouldn't be familiar with any of them.

What’s the scariest nightmare you remember having? I had a dream where I was literally shot, and that sort of thing is hard to forget.

Are you medicated? Nope.

Does your family/friends have a nickname for you? Nothing too gimmicky, but my family calls me Byn which is a much condensed version of my name. I've never had anyone beyond my ex call me that.

Who’s some of your favorite YouTubers? I could watch and rewatch Jessica Lee's videos all day, all week.

Do you have any bad habits? Yeah, I fiddle with my nails nonstop. My trichotillomania will also kick in every once in a while but it's never been nearly as bad as it was when I was 12-13, fortunately.

What did you get for Christmas? We have around 3 weeks to go before I find out!

Do you have any phobias? Cockroaches and rats, especially if I run into them at home. Also, sharp objects and fire.

What’s one of your biggest pet peeves? Bad grammar at work. I'm not a grammar police by any means but it's just that I'm literally in the communications industry, so if I spot a teammate having a horrendous grasp of their subject-verb agreement or whatever it definitely raises a red flag for me.

Are there any scented candles in the room you’re in? Yes.

Pancakes or French toast? Pancakes.

Did you have anything for breakfast today? No, I skipped it as always.

Are there any apps you’re addicted to? Reddit and YouTube.

Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? I wasn't into stuffed toys when I was younger.

Do you still collect stuffed animals? I didn't before, I do now. I'm not a hardcore collector or anything like that but I do have a preference for Koya anything, and buy big and small plushies whenever I can. :)

How do you feel about Spongebob? Big part of my childhood. A bunch of the prizes I gave away at my 7th birthday party games were Spongebob-related hahaha. My sister also had a Spongebob lunchbox. To this day I'll occasionally rewatch the episodes I grew up watching.

Do you have any nervous habits? I fiddle with or peel my nails.

What drink do you normally order at Starbucks? Brown sugar soy milk iced shaken espresso. It's a mouthful but it gets the job done for me.

Do you shape/fill in your eyebrows? Nope.

Which way do you face in the shower? Well, just facing the shower, I guess. I didn't know others faced other sides? Hahahaha.

What’s your favorite comfort food to eat? SUSHI. SUSHI SUSHI SUSHI or any variations of it, like sashimi or poke bowls or tuna salad. I love anything with raw fish in it.

What do you wear to bed? Just a loose t-shirt and shorts, usually.

Have you ever stolen/borrowed clothes from an ex? Like, while they were already an ex? No.

What’s the last movie you watched at home? I tried watching Parasite a second time but it's so difficult to watch because of all the suspense and lies the characters were pulling off so I didn't end up finishing it hahaha. You really have to mentally prep yourself when watching that LOL :(( and I mean that as the biggest compliment!!

What’s the last movie you watched in theaters? Hello Love Again, finally!!! It was so perfect!!! I got my happy ending!!!

Do you/did you ever have a Neopets account? I didn't have an account but I had an offline Neopets game on my old phone.

When’s the last time you were camping? I've never gone on a legit camping trip.

Have you ever had eggs cooked over a campfire? No. I'd love to experience that! The only thing I've eaten at a campfire has been marshmallows lol

If you do drink, what’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? Espresso martini if I'm having a chill time. Long island iced tea if the night is still young and if with the right company.

Are there any songs you’ve been listening to repetitively lately? Closer by RM because I desperately want to make it my most-listened to song for my Spotify Wrapped two years in a row, HAHA

What’s your favorite coffee mug look like? It's just a plain black porcelain mug.

Do you have any pets? Yes, we have two dogs and one cat.

Are you passive-aggressive? Only as a response to somebody else who has already started being passive aggressive toward me. I don't usually instigate.

Do you have social anxiety? No, I'm pretty extroverted! My only thing about this is that I don't particular take a liking toward customer service/client service. In my work in PR, I love and THRIVE being behind the scenes – and I super dread the times I need to actively accommodate people because it's just not my thing.

Have you ever had fried pickles? No.

Where’s your favorite place to go out to eat? Nikkei has a laidback vibe that I really like.

Do you like plaid button-ups? No.

Do you have any Valentine’s Day plans? Work.

Have you/would you ever go bungee jumping? I have. I hated it but that's a me thing more than anything because my stomach is just weak and can't handle sudden drops.

What’s the last theme park you visited? I can't remember. Universal in Singapore maybe? Theme parks aren't really my idea of fun.

Cereal, granola, or oatmeal? Cereal.

[icharchivist]

so little insanity moment i hope you'll excuse me a sec, related to Mystery Blorbo.

so yesterday i had a Icha Insanity Level 10 Moment where i kinda spiraled down crying and all about Mystery Blorbo literally all day that led me, as one does, to spam my bestie who knows about them 30 messages including at least 3 different homemade memes i've made about them, while i also collected various pictures again of Mystery Blorbo.

And, as a normal person does, i realized i could make a collage of the pictures i had in my files about them and put it on my wall.

so i start selecting which pictures i want to print in a word document (it takes 22 pages, i put multiple pictures by pages tho) and then look for my Blu-Tack (? google translation says it's how you say it the paste that fixes papers on wall) but i can't find it for the life of mine.

so i figure my masterplan has to wait, and ideally, while i go buy some Blu-Tack to a stationary store, i might as well use their printers to print pictures bc my own is bad with colors in general.

except as one does, it obviously haunts me all night, and i wake up uneased thinking i need to at least find the Blu-Tack today. Plus i need to do some restock on meds and grocery shopping anyway.

I prepare myself to go, and since my family just decided to annoy me today, i needed some comfort and i put my little custom made Mystery Blorbo plush in my bag to accompany me, but then i realize it's Sunday, and on top of that, a holiday, so the majority of stores are closed.

I figure my plans have to wait tomorrow. But for some reasons, i'm in full state of unrest. I can't focus on anything i just want to go hunt for it.

So i figure, screw it for the stationary shop, i can find some Blu-Tack on some hyperstore, and a couple of them are still opened today (ironically, not the one closest to my home that i would have gone to otherwise, so i have to look for an unusual store for it). So here starts my quest for it.

I blast my Mystery Blorbo's playlist in my ears (as i always do), and i go out full of Mystery Blorbo's thoughts in the quest of Blu-Tack so i can hang Mystery Blorbo's pictures in my living room.

First store i go to, where the Blu-Tack is next to cooking objects, they ran out of Blu-Tack. Shame.

I decide not to give up though and start going through more stores. 2nd Store i go, where the item is near the bathroom supplies? no luck either.

I think about going to a 3rd store at the opposite of the city, because one of the other bigger store i could go to is usually closed on Sunday. But, while i'm way underway, halfway between the store i disregarded and the store i was going to, i have a slight moment of "but i should check if it's REALLY closed though", and turns my feet around to check that store.

what i didn't consider is that today being a holiday where we usually consume a specific cake -- the store in question was actually opened. to sell emergency cakes.

When i go to this store, i usually go to the floor with food on it, so i never linger on parts of the store with utility objects, which is two floors above. but i know my way to it, and i move up.

And so i move to the Blu-Tack corner. Which is, unlike every place i've been before, in a corner with various hobbies related things surrounding the aisle.

and legit just next to it, there's an item i can't enter into details about --- related to Mystery Blorbo, that has no business being here, that i legit ALMOST BOUGHT ONLINE TWO WEEKS AGO. AND THEN I DIDNT. BECAUSE I THOUGHT HAVING IT DELIVERED HERE WOULD BE A PAIN. and also the one store i found it on wasn't really trustworthy.

literally JUST NEXT to the Blu-Tack. JUST next to it. Like ONE STEP away of distance from it. I could see it from standing in front of the Blu-Tack.

And i'm trying to keep it vague because the less you know about it the better for me (don't try to guess please), but it's not something i expected to find here. Like, it's not from something i'd expect to find easily in stores. And the item in question is also supposed to be pretty niche and only found in very specific stores, but this specific version was not on shelves last time i checked because it wasn't popular even in its niche.

I had a demented plan of making a collage of Mystery Blorbo, then had a nice so full of unrest i remade my whole plan, improvised because today everything is closed and nothing should have been doable, went to stores where i wouldn't have found the item that happened to have ran out of Blu-Tack, thought about going to a store THAT IS USUALLY CLOSED on Sunday and is only opened for the holiday, on an aisle i don't even usually come CLOSE to, to find the fucking Blu-Tack that started my journey, all that while blasting my Mystery Blorbo songs and holding my Mystery Blorbo plush in my bag, and it's at the end of this absolutely insane journey i found an item i've been CONVEYING that i was told wouldn't be found on here because it's too niche to be there, RIGHT. HERE.

Am i insane or is this insane. Like i remind you the whole thing with Mystery Blorbo is that they first started appearing in my dreams out of nowhere, haunting me, giving me legit fever dreams when i didn't buy something about them i found so much so i almost sleptwalk my way into going to buy it 4 TIMES in the same night, that i learnt they've showed up multiple times in the last decade of my life at various moments that made me curious in them but not enough to get into their stuff, that i had actual magazines full of articles that talked about him at my mom's place, hell pretty recently i also found times in my childhood (very early) where i almost got into something adjacent to it (my bestie says it counts because when i recalled the details she was crying laughing at how specific it was), also while i happen to own stuff related to the motif linked to this character from waayy before that, and much more things i can't even start to point out to lest i remove the mystery all together---

And then after another unrestful night thinking about them and making insane plans about them, which i was supposed to postpone but was too unrestful to postpone, i fucking find. This thing. in the most crazy level of circumstances there is.

also another layer is that i've been talking about the item to my bestie and was lamenting how more expensive it was online (esp with delivery fees) than in store, and my bestie, bless her soul, had had plans to find it for me ------- but she couldn't find it anywhere online. (like i tried to dissuade her but she's too sweet)

(small explanation to friend about my reasons for finding it)

(the typos are kept for autenticity as i was in a hurry, on my phone, and also genuinely shaking)

so long story short i'm adding this to the list of "i think Mystery Blorbo is haunting me because this is not normal" that keeps growing every single day. i feel ill.

[katatonicimpression]

so, the other day there was another one of those "sam shouldn't be cap, they should make the most of him as the falcon" posts in the tag and some adjacent stuff has been legit straight up haunting me so I guess i'm going to write about it for some ungodly number of words

i) Concern Trolling (Part 1)

The obvious thing straight off the bat is that this is such a disingenuous take. It has all the trademarks of "here's a appropriate-sounding reason for me to take the same position as the reactionary racists without sounding racist myself". It's textbook. They're not opposed to the idea of a Black man leading the avengers and taking on this important title, they're just concerned that they're not doing the character of the Falcon justice. Like, come on. You can smell the bullshit from here.

Now, I don't know this person's mind, and it's likely that they believe what they're saying (weirdly enough, most concern trolls do, to some extent). Moreover, it's possible that they are the rare example of someone who genuinely just happens to have a specific belief that alligns with the reactionaries, but it's just this one thing and they have good reasons for it.

So... let's explore that possibility. What good reasons are there to object to Sam's time as cap?

ii) Is Being Cap Bad for Sam's Writing?

There is this irratating phenomenon from Sam's cap era where he'll be pushed into a role that was clearly written for Steve. This ranges from dialogue choices to physical roles in action scenes. Sam is not super strong - he's a super acrobat and friend to all the woodland creatures. Sam is not a military man - he's a social worker. Sam's politics are more cynical, and more radical than Steve's. Sam's more sarcastic, more of a complainer, but also more flamboyant and more "free-wheeling".

Many of his appearances as cap flatten Sam, make him honestly kind of boring at times. The writing is just whatever bog-standard captain america thing they thought of and Sam's own personality is absent. This is most common in Avengers storylines, where he's not the focus, but even Symbol of Truth - a series ostensively about Sam - ended with the villain monologuing about how Sam "thinks he's america's greatest patriot". And, like, no. No he doesn't. Even for a villain line it doesn't work because it's not just wrong, it's irrelevant. That line could work if directed at Steve (depending on the context), but makes no sense with Sam. He doesn't think he's a great patriot, because he isn't, because he thinks patriotism is dumb. Like, it's kind of his core feature when he's first introduced lol.

What's happening here is that Sam is being handed over to writers who don't know him well, and in some cases don't care about him and maybe even don't like him. This leads to bad writing, ooc appearances and a general sense of a wasted opportunity.

There's a point (made in the original post that got me started on this), that the captain america role is inherently limiting and maybe even inherently boring. I don't agree (see part v), but I would agree that in practice, the role has been limiting on Sam's character and, on multiple occassions, constrained his writing.

iii) The Two Caps Thing

This is something I've complained about before, but the obvious problem with samcap is the shitshow that has resulted from having him and Steve "share" the title.

There is nothing wrong with it in concept, the problem is entirely in how it's played out in practice.

Steve is in a new comic every week, often more than one, often plastered all over the cover. He appears in crossover events, and is often featured heavily in other hero/team's stories. On top of this he has cameos, ranging from small appearances to more meaty roles.

In this same time period, Sam was in Symbol of Truth, and now Avengers. No other series featured him. You'd see him once a month at most. He has cameo appearances in this time, but only a handful. These cameos have been often wordless appearances, or contain a line or two of generic dialogue.

This is ridiculous. It's embarrassing for Marvel. It's an absolute shitshow. They are not "sharing" the title. Functionally, as far as Marvel comics has been concerned for the last two years, Steve has been Captain America and Sam has been barely present.

iv) Concern Trolling (Part 2 - a.k.a. Why the last two points are redundant)

The obvious thing to point out, is that none of this would be any better if Sam was still the falcon, because it's been happening the entire time.

Sam being written badly? Been there since arguably the beginning. Sam being written ooc because the writers don't care about him? Since the 80s at least. Sam being a stock military tough guy? The 00s called and want their ideas back. Sam barely being featured in preference for more wanking over Steve? Yeah, that's literally the late 70s when Jack Kirby took over the series for a stint, and it only got more common from then.

Due to a combination of factors (let's be clear - Racism is the big one), Sam's been written terribly on many occasions since his introduction. And, for the same reasons, he also just doesn't get featured as much, and gets shelved and ignored a whole bunch. It ends up creating a vicious cycle, where Sam isn't around, so no one thinks to include him, and when they do, they don't read anything about him because they don't care, which then leads to them portraying him blandly or even ooc, which does him no favours and makes writers less willing to include him.

Obviously there is still plenty of good Sam writing out there, but my point is that all the problems we see in his cap era are the same problems that have been around for decades. The 00s in particular were bad for literally all marvel Sam's character.

So, if someone says "i'd rather Sam was the falcon, so that they could explore his unique personality and backstory, and not saddle him with illfitting tropes and bland characterisation - and so they could really give him attention and focus on him" - yeah, that sounds great but it would never happen, and if you have any familiarity with this character's history, you'd know that. It was standard practice to ignore and under-write Sam as the falcon; what on earth makes you think that pushing him back to that (less prominant) role would fix anything?

I think that's why I find it impossible to take this position seriously. If you're a fan of the character, you'd know that the idea of the falcon being done justice by marvel is an unrealistic fantasy. It's hard not to assume that someone is being disingenuous when they suggest it.

Honestly, I personally think that if Sam had never become cap, he'd barely be in comics nowadays at all.

v) Is Being Cap Good for Sam's Writing?

If we let this conversation get a little more abstract for a second, and not about Marvel themselves (and the decisions of writers and editors and marketers etc.), there's still a question of whether having Sam be captain america is a good creative decision in and of itself.

I mentioned before how Sam is not a patriot, and he openly derides the whole cap thing throughout the 70s. So, you could say that there's something ooc about him being cap... but I'd disagree. Sam's decision in 616 (and MCU while we're here) was made after Steve asked him to do this, leading to his own mixed thought process on the matter. I think that's good drama. Sometimes having a character be pushed into doing something they wouldn't normally do is good actually, because it puts them out of their comfort zone and gives us a story.

Similarly, his move to become cap again recently was also because of a push, a pressured decision - this time from Misty and the Avengers.

Sam's 2015 series is genuinely great. The art is great, the characterisation is strong, and it bridges the gap between Sam in the 70s and the present day in a really satisfying way - it feels rooted in him as a character in a way so much of his writing isn't. Is it perfect? No, but it is good. And I bring it up here to make a very important point: having Sam be cap opens up an entire range of storytelling possibilities that aren't there with him as falc.

It changes his position relative to other superheroes, it changes his relationship with Steve, it makes him more important in people's eyes - it's Sam in a different, more complicated stage in his life. A stage where he's beholden to more people, has different responsibilities. It's good, actually.

Like, I get that this is heresy in comic book world but yes sometimes changing the status quo is good, actually.

vi) Clinging Onto the Falcon

I do think that Sam's unique history as the Falcon should not be abandoned in favour of the cap stuff. He's a bird prince and a free wheeling flyboy and all of that. That past identity is still his, even if he's using a different title.

One thing that has bothered me in the post samcap era is that sometimes Redwing is treated like he's Joaquin's now. Like, Redwing is a full on person with human-level intelligence and one of Sam's closest friends, and sometimes he gets treated like an accessory to hand over to the new falcon. It's weird and dumb. In general, Joaquin has a different relationship to the whole bird thing to Sam, and his character isn't a one-to-one replacement for him. Just like how Sam is not anything like a replacement for Steve. Fundamentally, they play different roles.

Redwing is still Sam's partner, the bird thing is still Sam's schtick, the Falcon is still kind of Sam's identity - it's just shared. And I think remembering this - bringing all the aspects of sam's identity together - is part of the solution to the less than satisfying writing we've been seeing.

vii) Conclusion....???

There's nothing inherent to Sam being Captain America that makes him difficult to write well, and the premise is actually a great springboard for storylines that do centre him and respect him. Do they all do that currently? No, but the problem there is upstream of what superhero title he has.

What Sam needs is basically just more material - he needs a new solo (which I would assume he'll be getting between now and the film release because bRaNd sYnErGy), he needs other substantial appearances outside of that, he needs multiple writers throwing their towel in the ring and giving a more varied perspective, and maybe needs a couple of memos from editorial with some guidelines on characterisation (and art).

Like, ok I am basically saying that in order to fix unsatisfying writing, the writing needs to be better. But yeah. Whatever, it was like a one sentence post that set me off on this...